


Returns

by LittleSweetCheeks



Series: Gershwin [9]
Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26619184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSweetCheeks/pseuds/LittleSweetCheeks
Summary: Nadine returns for the campaign trail.
Relationships: Blake Moran/Nadine Tolliver
Series: Gershwin [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898866
Comments: 4
Kudos: 6





	Returns

She stays up all night packing and then giving Roman the keys to her place and by Saturday evening she’d walking toward the exit of the Charlottesville Airport with a trolly loaded with bags. Elizabeth has demanded she not waste money on a hotel and stay instead at the farm; it’ll be a full house she’s warned, but there’s no room for argument.

Truly, Nadine realizes that she should’ve seen it coming from clear the other side of the country. It isn’t Elizabeth or Henry or one of the kids waiting at the curb, it isn’t any of the other staffers or assistants who’ve joined the campaign team, no. Elizabeth has sent Blake to pick her up. She sees him before he notices her, and she slows her pace. Two years has aged him some, or maybe her mind’s eye simply remembers him from when she’d first met him. He’s in worn, relaxed jeans and sneakers, sporting a fitted t-shirt under a leather jacket. His hair looks a bit longer and is wavy with no product holding it in place and he’s sporting a shadow of a beard that seems to be on trend at the moment in men his age.

He looks up from his phone and even through his sunglasses she can feel when his eyes land on her. She forces herself to offer him a wide, friendly smile as if she hasn’t spent all this time slowly crushing them both. He closes the distance between them, taking charge of the laden trolly and pushing it to the back of a car she doesn’t recognize while offering what sounds like a welcome greeting but she can hear how flat he sounds and understands the reason for Elizabeth’s constant nagging- he can act happy, but he isn’t.

She’s still standing on the curb when he’s loaded the back and puts the cart safely away. She’s not waiting for him to open her door for her, but he seems to read her inaction that way and moves to open it, bringing him within arms reach finally. This close she can read easily that he’s nervous, perhaps he wasn’t given a heads up either, or maybe not much of one. Nadine pulls him into a hug and holds on until he hugs back, sagging into her arms. “Hi.” It’s all she manages to get out even as her heart says, ‘ _I’ve missed you so much.’_

He pulls back, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head so she can see his eyes, and gives her a sad smile. “Hi.” He doesn’t say more, and she wonders if his heart is wanting to say the same thing. Somehow, they’ve lost their ability to talk to one another. Where conversation used to flow freely, now it feels stilted.

The thirty-minute drive to the farm is quiet and awkward and she’s glad to step out of the car and have someone else around to do the talking. The house is busy, none of the rest of the McCord family is around yet, they still have the house in the District and Stevie and Henry still both have jobs; none of them want to be underfoot for the last minute campaign meetings so they’ll all be driving out Sunday night. Instead, the house is buzzing with a familiar sight; people are sitting everywhere working on tablets and computers, Matt and Daisy are bickering, and Mike B and Jay are in a huddle. Stepping into the house seems to shift Blake from nervous to having a purpose, he leaves her alone just inside the door and begins rushing around tending to several things at once.

She finds her way into melee, greeting the others before getting caught up to speed. Jay’s grown into the role she left for him and he presents her with an impressively organized and detailed plan of the next few weeks.

“He’s not you, but he’s damned good.” Mike B shares, admiration in his voice.

Before she knows it, an hour has slipped by and Blake is asking her if she would come with him somewhere. Outside, she follows him to the barn, Elizabeth’s refuge it seems, as Nadine finds her clearing up and talking softly to her horses. “Ma’am.”

Elizabeth looks up with an instant smile. “I didn’t realize the time! How long have you been here?”

“About an hour, I already sat down with Mike and Jay.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. It got a bit much earlier and I needed to get away.” Nadine catches as her eyes move past her and then back, she suspects it means Blake has vanished back into the house. “We’ve come out here to work a few times, the barn is off limits to everyone but Blake so I can get some peace.”

“I understand.”

“Are you mad at me?”

She isn’t sure what Elizabeth means. “For what?”

“Sending Blake to pick you up.”

“Ah.”

“Everyone else has hotel rooms in town, they’ll all leave soon except for him. Since Henry and the kids aren’t here, he didn’t want me alone out here and I can’t say I blame him. I’ve spent the last five years with a security detail outside my door and now I have nothing until I officially begin campaigning.”

“I understand that.” She mulls that over. It means that soon everyone will leave, and it will be only the three of them in the house. Crossing the wide aisle to a stool, she sits down. “Catch me up on everything.” From there, Nadine listens as her friend fills her in on everything she’s missed since she’s been gone.

=MS=

The farmhouse is finally quiet, though it still looks a bit like a throwback to the seventh floor with paperwork and other office detritus scattered about. From the kitchen, Nadine can hear light snipping and wanders to the doorway to investigate. The two other remaining occupants are trying to work out dinner and it almost makes her laugh. Elizabeth’s reputation in the kitchen was well known even to the staff and while Blake can cook, he hates it, so the pair trying to both cook together is certain to lead only to disaster. She makes herself known and shoos them both out of the way and begins poking around, at the least they will have a decent meal tonight. It’s comfortable and comforting, having someone to cook for and laugh with and as she remembers, Blake’s sense of humor leaves her sides aching. They still haven’t talked, but with another person there, it’s easier to pretend the part.

She reflects on how often it really was the three of them together, separated somewhat from the others. Blake has never held anything but steadfast devotion for his boss, an unwavering loyalty and admiration that’s near impossible to find. When she speaks, his eyes are on her without fail and he’s always ready to tend to her every need. It was one of the things, Nadine realizes, that she found so attractive in him to begin with and then when he’d first turned that attention on her, she’d been overwhelmed by it. For herself, she’s always been loyal; to the job, to her boss, but then anyone who has even an ounce of good within them eventually finds themselves loyal to Bess McCord.

It’s late by the time Elizabeth slips away, leaving them on their own and by then Nadine realizes she’s relaxed and comfortable, nerves finally gone. “How has work been?” _‘How are you?’_

“It’s been okay, I guess. Always busy, you know how it is.”

“Yeah.” ‘ _Are you still seeing someone?’_ “Everything looks well organized for the campaign.” _‘Your work is impeccable as ever.’_

“Jay and Mike B fought a first, they’re loyal but came into it with hugely different views of the process. I heard they got their heads knocked together, so to speak, and now they make a hell of a team. She’ll win this on their determination.”

She’s not sure what else to say without spilling her entire heart and she’s not ready for that yet. “It’s been a long day for me, I should head up to bed too.” _‘Please ask me to talk a little longer. I’m not ready to walk away again so soon.’_

“Yeah.”

=MS=

Nadine wakes the next morning late, her body hasn’t adjusted yet to the time change. From down the stairs she makes out the low timbre of Blake’s voice and then Elizabeth’s high laugh and, for a moment, it makes her smile with the memory of the past.

Climbing out of bed, she shivers against the overnight chill that still lingers and wonders for a moment which bag she might find a sweater in, remembering a winter when it was a too-big gray sweater she would pull on, thick and warm and smelling of Blake. The sleeves would cover her hands, the turtleneck collar would be more like a cowl on her, but she’d loved it. And he’d loved it on her.

She gets dressed and finds her way downstairs. They’re back in the kitchen, Elizabeth at the stove over eggs and Blake scrolling on his laptop reading the news. It’s the last morning of real calm they’ll have for a long time and it feels homey.

“I made coffee already and there are eggs or bagels.” Blake’s voice cuts through her thoughts. He’s in sleep pants and a sweatshirt and it feels so familiar.

“Eggs sound nice.” ‘ _How did you sleep?’_

After breakfast, they all rush to change and then the others begin to arrive and it’s a full day until Henry turns up with the kids and calls it a wrap, sending everyone who isn’t sleeping there packing. From there it’s Henry making dinner and the girls getting settled into Stevie’s room while a debate ensues on how night-owl Jason will be forced to share a room with early-bird Blake. Blake’s teasingly hazing Jason, along with the girls, when she hears herself offer another solution. “You could always bunk with me, Blake.” Suddenly everyone’s looking her way and all she can do is shrug as if it’s not nearly as big of a deal as it feels like it really is. “If you want.” They’ve barely said a single thing to one another since she landed, but now she’s offering to share a room, a bed, with him. _‘I want to fix this.’_

She’s not surprised when he doesn’t come as she drifts off to sleep dreaming of drifting off in his arms. It’s clear they’re both still hurting, but she hopes that they’ll find a way to something better.

=MS=

Announcement day breaks early, by the time she’s dressed and ready to go, the farm is starting to fill with supporters outside and workers in. The living room has the vibe of an old-time newspaper office; the Four Musketeers, as it turns out they’ve been nicknamed- Matt, Daisy, Jay, and Mike B, are loudly and rapidly making final changes. Assistants are scurrying about and Blake seems to have forced cooperation of the McCord kids to help with keeping everything running smoothly. In all the chaos, Henry is seated at the kitchen table with coffee and paper in hand as if the house is empty. His level of Zen makes her smile. “Good morning, Henry.”

“Nadine.” He greets. “Elizabeth already fled for a bit to the barn. She was getting ready upstairs, but the noise was making her nervous.”

“Ah.”

The day goes well, and Nadine finds it easy to resume the role of standing as Elizabeth’s support through it all. Somehow, she’s a stronger woman that even two years ago and it’s easy to see what sort of president she will make.

=MS=

They have a fleet of vehicles besides the big bus, mostly for the auxiliary staff. During the day, however, the bus is often filled with other staff and the only real safe space is the bedroom at the back.

She still hasn’t talked to Blake, not about anything outside of the task at hand, and it begins to wear on them both in slowly creeping increments that are not helped by the fact that their living arrangements involve them sharing around the clock the common area of the bus. The couches by day are their beds by night when they can’t stop at a hotel and she’s never known six feet to feel like such a massive space.

Her job is to make sure they get to every stop on time and that every speech and handshake happen precisely as planned and she expects it to be easy, she managed Elizabeth for years, but it turns out that the rigors of the trail makes Elizabeth more unpredictable. If she’s in the bus, she’s on the phone to either Mike B or Jay who watch every video, listen to every interview, with laser like attention. From stop to stop the message is tweaked, the way they want Elizabeth to do things is changed until there’s no real script to run from, but a short-order email each night of what should happen.

After the second television interview, she puts in the rider that they’ll take care of Elizabeth’s make-up and then after the fourth, and a panic attack that she thinks they keep secret, Blake amends the list of what can’t be asked.

Blake is supremely good at his job, but taking all that energy and attention that used to command the seventh floor and beyond and cramming it into a forty-five foot bus means he micromanages every little detail and the longer they’re on the road, the more fanatical he becomes about trying to control inside because there is no chance of controlling outside.

When it happens, it’s late and they’re alone, just the three of them. No one has really slept properly in days and the final straw turns out to be a coffee cup. They’re almost a quarter of the way through, ready for the first real break, and Nadine must admit that she could’ve handled it better.

One of Blake’s many pet peeves turns out to be open drinks on the bus, he frets and rants constantly about the risk of spills and in his defense, where they work by day is also where they often sleep, and eat, and everything else, and it’s in all their best interests to realize that. But there had been no lids where they’d stopped, and Nadine found herself not giving it a thought to simply bring the coffee onto the bus without transferring it to a travel mug. Thinking it would only be for a moment, she sets it on a window ledge, but then her attention is pulled away by Jay calling and the next thing she knows Blake’s voice is practically echoing because of his volume.

He’s seething.

And it’s her fault.

In the end, it’s Elizabeth who stands between them as both moved in to take every shot available. Even in exhaustion, she’s the one whose levelheadedness prevails. Words have been said though, pain has been hurled across the divide and they’re both standing with their emotions bare and bleeding, and there’s no going back. With a firm hand, Elizabeth forces Blake to the bedroom at the back and demands he stay put while they work on cleaning up the mess. The coffee landed on the pull-out that’s been claimed as his, rendering it temporarily unusable.

They clean it together and then before she can offer to let him have the other one, Elizabeth is nudging her to the back as well. “Go be with him. I’ll sleep out here if need be. You two just need a minute.”

She has no idea what to expect, but when she steps into the small bedroom at the back, he’s sprawled out on the bed, an arm tucked behind his head, but he looks marginally calmer. “I’m sorry and you are right. No open drinks on the bus.”

He stares a minute, perhaps surprised he’s not being reprimanded for his outburst. “I’m sorry for shouting and… And for saying what I said.”

“Well, I think you deserve a pass since it was your bed I soaked with the coffee.”

“You know what’s really driving me crazy?” He’s looking at her expectantly.

“What’s that?”

“That we’re never more than a few feet apart and it still feels like three-thousand miles. I want to reach out and touch you, hold you. I miss how you feel in my arms or just sitting tucked against me and… And it’s driving me nuts. I keep trying to find things to distract myself, but you’re always there.”

Her voice catches on a response. She wants so bad to say she feels the same way, but the words don’t come out.

“Right.” He misreads her silence. “It’s okay.” She can see fresh heartbreak in his face, and she knows she’s been the cause of so much of it in his life. He rolls to his side, back to her, and she starts to turn away. “Just walk away again.” It’s so soft she almost doesn’t hear it, but she does, and it cuts so deep she can’t breathe. She wonders if he’s always been able to be so sharp or if he learned it from Elizabeth.

“I’m sorry.” It’s perhaps the first properly honest thing she’s said to him in… years, but it seems to be the opening of a floodgate. “I’m sorry for walking away. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for making a mistake and then not owning up to it.” That makes him roll back over and look at her. “I’m sorry.”

He’s quiet for a while, she can see he’s thinking, and then he sits up. “So now what do we do?”

She’s not sure, she doesn’t have a big plan to get them toward reconciliation. “We talk.” A memory flashes in her mind. “I said something to that effect our first night, in that bar. If we keep talking, things will get better. Sometimes it just takes having a little faith.” She’s surprised when her voice catches. “I have faith.”

“Me too.”

The conversation ends and she retreats to the front of the bus. They have a long way to go, but she really does have faith that if they start, and keep, talking, they’ll get there.

When Elizabeth goes to check on him later, he’s asleep. They debate a moment before it’s decided that perhaps waking up next to her after such an argument wouldn’t be the best idea, so Nadine finds herself alone at the front as Elizabeth crashes on the bed beside him.

=MS=

The following week is tense enough to keep the others at a distance, but nowhere near as volatile. They still don’t actually talk, but it feels like simply admitting that the need to, want to, soothes something between them. Another cable news interview goes wonderfully and they’re looking for a bit of celebration, she hears herself invite him out for a drink and then is surprised when he accepts.

The bar they wander into has karaoke in the corner and it’s a bit too reminiscent for her tastes, but Blake says nothing. They order and she’s determined to not screw it up again. “How have you really been, Blake?”

She can see he seriously considers his answer before giving it. “I’ve been okay, actually. I’d been seeing someone, but me leaving to work the campaign wasn’t in their master plan so we broke it off.”

“I’m sorry.” And she means that. He deserves to be happy.

“I’m not.” His candor surprises her. “He and I wanted different things and I- I wasn’t in love with him. I thought I could make it work anyway, but he didn’t understand me.”

“Tell me about him?” She realizes Elizabeth was right, they were friends first and she does miss hearing about his life.

Blake tells her all about Trevor, she’s surprised to discover it’s the young man she’d met in Rome. In between the words he says, she can hear that he’d been searching for something he’d lost and somewhere along the line he realized that Trevor wasn’t it. “He wanted to get married.” Blake shares. “He got pretty insistent about it but… I just couldn’t. It was all wrong. So, I broke it off just before I resigned.”

“You followed your heart.”

He snorts. “If I’d followed my heart, I would’ve resigned a lot sooner and moved to California.” She’s left speechless and he notices. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I’d much rather you be honest than worry about hurting my feelings. I don’t think either of us will make it through this if we both aren’t honest.”

“Fine.” He’s quiet for a bit before starting. “I was angry and hurt and…well, those are the big ones. I was and still am one hundred percent in support of you retiring when you did. A person can only fight so long before they have to save themselves. I would never want you to destroy yourself for a job.”

“But?” She softly prompts when he doesn’t go on.

“But… I guess a part of me thought you would have at least tried to fight for us. At- at least until you moved. You just vanished though. I came home and all your things were gone, you’d left-” His voice catches and she’s surprised that after all this time he’s still so affected by it. “You brought back everything of mine from your place. All of it. You didn’t keep anything of mine or leave me any of you and that hurt.”

Suddenly, the reaction Elizabeth had told her about over the mug she’d forgotten at work made some sense. She’d been so careful in clearing up the remains of what had been them that she’d never considered leaving something to remember it all by. But then, she’d had something to remember him by. “I did keep something of you. I’m terribly sorry, though, that I didn’t intentionally leave you something as well.” When he looks befuddled, she raises her right hand a bit and watches as he seems to notice for the first time. “You gave me this and… it’s perhaps the most precious thing I’ve ever gotten.” She turns in her seat. “I have regretted moving pretty much since I landed in California. I just didn’t know how to fix it.” She draws a breath. “I- I told Roman. About you. Showed him pictures too. Maybe when we get over there you can meet him.”

“So where does that leave us?” She thinks he might sound hopeful but worries that thinking that is only her being hopeful instead.

“It leaves us being honest about all of it. About how we felt about one another then, how we feel now, about the hurt and anything else. I think, if we can do that? Then everything will work out in time.” She sips her drink. “In the meantime, will you sing for me?”

He hesitates and she’s almost certain he’s going to say no. It’s like déjà vu. But then he nods and stands, tossing back the rest of his drink and then heads for the corner. The song he picks has her fighting tears even as she can’t bring herself to look away.

When he retakes his seat beside her, she’s swiping them away but doesn’t feel ashamed about it. “Beautiful as always.” She means it. It’s been two years since she’s listened to him and now, she’s realizing how much she’s missed it.

She realizes perhaps belatedly that it affects him too. He turned sideways on his stool and pulls hers closer and it feels familiar and safe to be boxed in a bit by his body. “I could say the same.” He murmurs. He doesn’t do anything more, but she can feel that pull that used to exist between them.

Something changes after that and the long days seem to get easier. They finally relax back into their old familiarity and manage Elizabeth with joint single-minded focus, finishing one another’s thoughts and sentences. When a break comes and they all head back to DC, she realizes that she has nowhere to stay until Blake offers for her to come home with him. It has the potential to be awkward, but she hasn’t realized he’s moved to a larger one-bedroom place and has invested in a much bigger bed.

=MS=

They’re in the district for a week, though it isn’t really a vacation. Mike B tries to schedule meetings every day, he’s hungry to be more involved than he is. The rest of their days are theirs to fill as they please and she wastes half the week before Blake is finally the one to offer walking around the Mall.

It’s peaceful in a DC kind of way. She can feel his nerves as he puts an arm around her shoulders, and she rewards him by leaning closer. “Our first night together-” He starts and then pauses. “I was terrified and certain I was getting myself fired.”

She’s surprised. He’d seemed so confident. “Then why did you do it?”

“I wanted to take a risk, just once in my life. And it felt like it was worth the risk.”

When she looks up at him, he’s wearing a soft smile that finally reaches his eyes. “I thought you were worth it too.”

“I’d like to think you still are. I mean… Even with the hurt and the anger, it’s still you I want to be with until we both properly agree it’s through.”

And that, she decides, is some of her error. She made the decision unilaterally before. “I don’t think looking back is healthy.” She sees his disappointment and continues. “That relationship needs to stay in the past. But perhaps we can start to make a new one.”

=MS=

If their first try had been all about the hot passion, this second try is about rebuilding their friendship and connection. They work together seamlessly on the trail and then settle into something more comfortable when the days are done. It’s not odd the first time she tucks herself into his side on one of the couches, Elizabeth working across from them and his arm curled around her. She finds her boss wears a pleased grin when she finds them either tucked together or napping against one another, or simply sharing a meal. She’s not willing to tell her she was right; they have too little free time to encourage the gloating that would follow.

Nadine could imagine that in another life she and Blake would’ve already made use of the bed in the back for les innocent reasons, probably the tiny bathroom too. And maybe a chair or two. Sex for them was never a problem. But they’re both a bit more wary now of being hurt and of hurting one another so by the time election day looms on the horizon, they’ve barely gotten past tentative kissing.

It’s her first election in years that doesn’t involve drinking herself silly at the Brickmore. The air is thick with anticipation the entire day and their cool and competent candidate has two panic attacks before Henry and Blake jointly decide it’s time to take a drive. In the limo, it’s just the four of them and she’s tucked into Blake’s side as if it’s not still new. They don’t go anywhere in particular and are back in time for the returns to come in and the feeling is a thousand times anything she’s felt before. When the election is called for Elizabeth, the sounds of the building erupting around them is almost drowned out as Blake presses her against a wall and kisses her soundly, one knee bent between her legs as he pulls her into him.

Neither of them pulls away until it’s Elizabeth’s voice telling them she doesn’t need them for tonight and to go home. The real work will start tomorrow.

The limo is meant to be their ride home and they take it, making use of the back seat on the way. The next morning she wakes up in Blake’s bed, their bed for now because her place is still on the other side of the country, to a text message from Elizabeth stating without preamble that the only people who will be having sex in The Beast will be she and Henry, thank you very much, and then asking if she would be finding her own place or moving her things in with Blake.


End file.
